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August 25 A Day to OurselvesCooper and I finally have the house to ourselves today. Life is *hopefully* taking on some semblance of what normal now is. Uncle Chad is at work today, which means the dog is in his room (you don't know how nice that is for me!) and Dad's vacation is now over so he's back at work. So it's just me and me boy. Who is taking a nap at the moment- which I should be doing but have gotten a little caught up on housework around here. And oh the quiet is nice. The television is off, no radio, no dog pacing back and forth whining, no Chad telling the dog no- no Brett talking- just the white noise of the fan running and traffic going by. Bliss. And birds chirping.
I'd like to start scrapbooking while it's quiet around here, but first I think a np while I can, and maybe later get that stuff out, and then maybe after that get the baby book out and work on that a little- if Cooper lets me that is.
Well there goes the silence- the dog will be let out because Chad just pulled into the driveway. August 24 MotherhoodNine days into being a mother and I'm loving it. Children change everything. Of course, mothers out there already know that- but it's amazing. I don't know that it's fully reached me yet- but when he opens his eyes when he hears the sound of my voice- it's love all over again.
We had a weigh in at the doctor's the other day and she was sooo pleased with his weight because he's back up to his birth weight of 6lbs. 11 oz. And she was also pleased with how content and easy going he is and how content and mellow I was- she told Brett and I that we were doing a great job. So that was nice to hear from our doctor. And, she just loves all of his hair.
I'm really looking forward to these next weeks home with him- I know that it's going to be so hard to leave him with someone all day while we go back to work. A necessary evil.
Our families are thrilled. My father came over last Sunday on his own to meet Coop- he fell in love at first sight. He went home and told my mother and sister that he was far more adorable than the pictures they brought home while we were in the hospital. The look of pride on his face was apparent, had some little hints and pointers for us and had the sway down- just like he never lost it.
My father called over a day or two later pleading for some pictures since he forgot his camera at home. He was relieved to hear that I had already sent some his way- including one for his desk at work. I hear that he also refers to Cooper as Cooper Lee- which also happens to be my father's middle name, so he's proud of that as well, especially since Cooper was born hours after my dad's birthday.
Motherhood- it's awsome. Life is no longer about making Erin happy or comfortable, it's about doing what's best for Cooper and giving him the best that I can provide for him, and I'm happy to do it. August 21 CooperCooper is here! Nine months of waiting is over now! Cooper arrived fifteen days early, but I'm glad of it since I doubt that I would have been able to wait until our due date which was on the 30th.
Motherhood is wonderful. I love it! Our families have been over meeting him, they're all uber excited about little Cooper, my father is one very proud grampa, who called to have me send some pictures ASAP so he has something to show everyone- after his visit on Sunday he reported to my mother and sister, who were over on Friday, his birth day, that he was far more beautiful than the pictures they took of him.
Cooper apparently couldn't wait to meet us either. Aside from making his debut around two weks early, he was in a hurry to be born. It started on Thursday, incidentally his grampa's birthday. At our appointment we were 3cm dilated, and were informed that we wouldn't make our due date. That night contractions started around ten thirty- I movedout onto the sofa so I wouldn't keep Brett up. I was walking around more than laying down, and so Brett got up, we started timing them, and called the hospital around one thirty. We were invited to come in and they would check me. After waiting at the Emergency room check in, which totally defies the purpose of preregistering, we got up to OB and the nurse checked me, then informed me that they would have to call the doctor in since I was at eight. Oh. We thought that we'd be sent home.
Cooper arrived at 6:04 am and promptly peed on Brett before he even got a chance to cut the umbilical cord.
April 28 Growing PainsFirst off, I'd like to say that apart from this, everything else is going great. I just need to vent. And afterwards, I"ll update on how the pregnancy is going along.
It's about a gift card that he got from his mother for Chrsitmas. He still has it and is now apparently itching to spend it- on guns and gun accessories- mounts and scopes and so forth.
Here are the facts:
My parents also sent me money for Christmas which I also spent, on new clothes since it's been a long while since I had any new clothes. When we went to visit them, for me the first time with a guy, so I wanted to look nice.
January 5th comes along and I took the pregnancy test and found out there was a baby in our future.
March comes around, my parents come over for a visit and hand me an envelope from my grampa with a check for $1000 in it. It went into the bank. That is going to come in handy one day when we need it, when the baby needs something.
Friday night he walked awat from the computer and I saw what he was looking at, gun stuff. His excuse was that it was something for one of his friends' guns. Yesterday while we were at work, I heard him telling his buddy that he found some peice for his Berreta, something ivory.
My latest thing to do is be out in the yard, I spent last weekend out in the yard raking, and his brother helped me clear away the leaves, and walked me around the yard to show me what was already planted, and said that he didn't care what I planted so long as I didn't plant it in the driveway or it would be driven over. I can live with restrictions like that. And there's been the addition of a few bird feeders on the deck and in the trees outback. Now, everyone in the house, humans, dogs and cats alike have spent hours watching the birds at the feeders. His brother is quite interested in them as the dog cat and myself are. Brett will watch, but only to see what the talk is about and what kind of bird is that.
We had another heck of a snowstorm up here over the weekend and so the birds have been at the feeders since their other food sources are below the snow- so I bought another feeder, a tray feeder this time with another arm to mount off of the deck. That prompted another discussion right there at work. He was standing around with one of the guys and I came over to him with the feeder in hand and asked him to drill a few little holes into it so the water could drain out of it. He didn't want to do it.
When we got home, his brother walked in and saw the arm on the floor of the kitchen and immediately asked me what I took the bird feeder down for. SO I told him that I didn't, I bought a new one. So, Brett got up and drilled a couple of holes in the bottom to let the water drain and I went out and hung it on the deck- to which his brother opened the window to tell me that I could swing the arm back in over the deck so the birds would be closer to the window (Okay!)
* Monday Morning*
So I've got to do this in bits and pieces while my attention span permits me...Things have gotten better now- We tried talking about things Saturday night but that didn't go so well, and managed to talk about things in earnest at work yesterday while I was on my lunchbreak- he came in to see how my day was going and so I told him. We were able to talk things through and I think that he was able to understand where I was coming from and this nesting thing, and why I feel inclined to feed the birds and work in the yard, and why I feel so strongly about how he spends the money- I understand how he feels, but I also see the need to put that money to use in other ways: we have to start doing things now, we haven't started on the bedroom, we haven't started buying anything, we NEED to start on these things.
So, what we did was going out to eat and start making a list of the things that we could think of. Basically, we need everything.
When we got home, we started taking the panelling off in the baby's room. This is good. Progress.
My thoughts on the money was that I know he wants to blow it on something for himself, my alternative to that was to buy something for himself like a small planer so that he could make the basinette for the baby and a toy box- so the baby also benefits from it. I don't know where his thoughts are on that at the moment.
I also told him about my idea about the wedding since neither of us are in agreement on who should perform the ceremony, so what I've been thinking is what if his brother were to marry us? I mean, get ordained for the ceremony and that would be it? He didn't nix the idea, he said that it's worth looking into- so hopefully he'll mull over that for awhile and let the idea grow on him.
So, other than that, things are going well, we have an ultrasound on May 8th, so hopefully we can see what we're having, if it cooperates. I'm getting more of a belly, and feeling forever hungry, but this is good. Still no pictures to show though, which I wish that he would pick up the camera and take some pictures for posterity. March 14 The Next VisitSo, we had our second visit with the docotr yesterday, this time Brett came along with me. And I'm glad that he did. The good news is that he finally got to hear the baby's heartbeat- which was harder to find this time than it was last time. And then there were some concerns.
First off, the call that I got last week, the one that I returned to be told by some other nurse called "Lori" was that my thyroid was fine. Only, as the doctor tells it, the call wasn't about my thyroid. My pap came back abnormal. Pre cancerous cells were found. Something else, it all went blurry- basically with my being pregnant, it complicates things a little and so on the nineteenth, I go back in and have a colposcopy done.
Next issue. My sciatic nerve is hurting, has been since last Friday. Already? she asked. So this is common then? Yes, but it's going to get a lot worsed before it gets better. So, now she's going to be putting me in Physical Therapy for that, and also handed me a brochure for a yoga class, which the funny thing is, when she handed it to me, I immediately recognized Karen, the instructor. Maybe I'll try that as well.
Next issue. I am concerned about post partum depression. Since I have a history with having been on ADs before, and with my mood swings and getting stressed, I'm concerned about getting postpartum depressiona and not being there for the baby. She saw it- the tears, handed me a kleenex and said that prepartum depression is also very real and that postpartum depression is very likely. So she is starting me on some ADs already and so hopefully they start to work real soon and make me easier to live with so I'm not stressed all of the time and weepy all of the time.
I think that his was a big eye opening experience for Brett. When we were talking about mystress levels, he added in that he's been noticing that I've been getting a lot more stressed a lot more easily, and that work is getting me stressed, and that it just seems too much too soon. And when she was talking about my pap smear, and heard "precancer" and "biopsy" I thought to myself "Oh shit, What's Brett thinking now?" (Since his dad had C) Instead, I don't know that he heard that, but I did. It just sounded like it was all a blur to him after she said that the pap was abnormal.
Then she threw out a test for us, an optional one. The quad test, the one for downs syndrome and spinal bifida - I know that seeems like it was spelled too easily, but it's too early to care at the moment. The thing is with this test, there's a window at sixteen weeks to take this test, and there's so many false positives so it's not too conclusive. False positive? So we could test positive and dread the next few months and end up having a normal baby? So we looked at each other and asked each other what we thought, it was the same, we don't want to know. So I asked he, she's asking me unmedicated? Ad then gave her her answer, we're going to find out the sex, so let this one be a surprise. She laughed, I had to tell her that I was trying to cope here.
So we'll be able to do an ultrasound in about four to six weeks since I NEED to know the sex, so we'll wait until its developed a little more. So we all have to wait.
And speaking of waiting, I'm still waiting for him to get up and start taking a picture of my tummy. It was supposed to happen the other day but I wasn't speaking to him. One of my moods.
So hopefully now things start to get better for me stress-wise. I don't like taking medications, but maybe this is something that I'm going to have to consider for the long term. I just want what's best for the baby, and I don't want to take anything out on the baby. Maybe this is the answer, for right now. All I know is that I don't like being stressed, I don't like being weepy all of the time- I'm supposed to be enjoying this, not hoping to get through each day or each hour as it goes by.
I'll have to continue on later. I have to start getting ready for work now. Hopefully it's a good low-stress day. February 29 A Day OffWell, I may have had the day off from work- paid work that is, but it wasn't really a day off from work. It wasn't bad though. We got a lot done, and he didn't even realize it.
I got up at my normal day off time and relaxed. Then when he got up, that's when we started moving. He started by starting a load of laundry, and I started by sweeping the floor, then mopping, then he was directed to get the vacuum out and use it- which he did. From there, I asked him to get the rugs out of hte bathroom so I could mop in there as well, he did. After mopping the floors, then I put that floor shine stuff on the floors so they were nice and shiny, clean looking. He maintained laundry duty and folded the laundry in the bedroom to stay off of the floors while they dried. And he also cleaned the litter pan while he was doing the laundry. After the floors were all done, a quick break, then on to the beta bowls, they were cleaned, then on to the aquarium which he emptied for me, got me the rocks to clean, and the hardware for it. While I cleaned that, he took the tank into the bathtub and tank out.
All the while, I had also done the dishes, and made a pan of brownies (from scratch) and after the other work was done, then sent some back to work with Chad when he came home from lunch, and then got on about fixing dinner, since I had it in my head that we were going to have turkey that night, complete with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and had I thought about it, cranberry sauce for me. But the cranberries were yucky, and I forgot the stuffing until after dinner, but did remember the broccoli and cheese. But dinner was great, Chad made it home from work just as I was making the gravy and we were ready to eat.
Cleanup after dinner was a collective effort and as soon as I finished washing the big pans, wiped off the counters, I announced that I quit, the kitchen was closed, I'm not doing anymore. Just in time too because my head was pounding and I was about ready to get sick. And after I got sick, I headed to bed for the night. But, all in all, it was a good day. Productive. And he helped, didn't say a word about it, mentioned the floor to Chad, who also noticed that the floor was polished, and was pleased. February 28 TruceA truce has been made. It went into effect yesterday morning when we got to work.
My morning started by putting my shoes on while I was crying uttering the words that I just wanted to die. Stupid hormones. He said that he would drive to work. Great. The one day that I wasn't sure whether I'd make it through the day emotionally and he wanted to drive. Oh well.
Daryl came to check and see how my day was goigncompared to the day before, and mentioned a customer calling to complain over a dime for a spnge that she'd bought that the cashier wouldn't give her at the registers. Okay then- I'll take care of it.
I was over trying to fill the batteries and put the cart full ov batteries up in overstock that all of the other able bodied persons that aren't pregnant are walking by, for about a week now, and he came over to check and see how I was doing. I started tearing up and issued that statement that I didn't want his mom to come over for dinner, that I was about to the end of my rope and was about to crack like I was going to have a breakdown. I'm tired, I'm stressed, the dog is driving me crazy, and I'm wondering whether I can take an antidepressant or not. I just want a day or so where I can curl up in a ball and disappear and keep to myself, worry about myself and rest.
So here I am this morning, on our day off, and I'm going to attempt to cook a turkey today. Thanksgiving in February. I like turkey, I love turkey, it's the best, and it's meat that I'll eat, so Brett and his brother are going to eat and enjoy it with me. Now if I only knew how to cook a turkey right... I've watched my mother, but never done it myself... We'll see.
What else... yeah... last night, after work as soon as we got home we went down to the sheriff's office to get that paper that was soooo imprtnat. Had to wait ten minutes for a sheriff to get off his butt to saunter down to the reception area to hand it to me personally. Turns out it was nothing more than a letter about a card that since this moving about I haven't received and have forgotten to pay since the bills are getting lost somewhere along the line. Nothing that can't be fixed.
Then after my much needed nap, we went to the store to get some food, and after that, it was eat soem radishes and for me crawled into bed, watched a little television, talked about hard boiling eggs and the dogs in our lives when we were growing up, then he went and watched a movie and I have no idea what I did, other than fell asleep.
This morning Isabelle and I have had a nice relaxing mornind watching tv and reading my pregnancy books and doing nothing much else.
Today will be a good relaxing day I hope. I may not even take a shower! February 26 My DaySo now that the day is for all practical purposes over- I'll tell you how it went.
I started tearing up on the way to work. I didn't say a thing, he didn't say a thing, it was a silent trip. Then we got to work. I dumped my stuff off in the breakroom and got the heck out of there since I thought that I would burt into full fledged tears at any moment. I went back and collected a box that I'd abandonded last nigth, and it was right about that time that Daryl, my boss, stopped me to ask me to do something. And then the tears came. Right then, right there. Whatever he wanted me to do could wait. He asked me if I was okay, ushered me out of the way a little more so not everyone could see, and I started blubbering what the deal was. He told me to go take a break, sit in the break room and collect myself. Well, I still hadn't hear what he wanted met o do, so I tried laughing nad asking him what it was- just to fill the seeds, but go take a break and settle down. He's a husband, a father... he knows. So, into the breakroom I went, tried to clean up my face and breathe a little. Came back out and went up to the warehouse to get the seeds and went about filling them up, pre request.
Daryl gave me awhile and came over to where I was and asked me how I was doing, was I feeling better? He understands, he's got two kids of his own, there was a third pregnancy but they lost that. So I asked him, when would it sink in? Hopefully sooner than later. Give it time, it will sink in.
My other sounding board showed up for the late shift and we spent a good two hours talking about things. Daryl saw us talking but let us be, let a woman handle it I guess. We talked so long that we talked through my lunch break, and when I learned that, I dropped what I should have been doing and went to lunch.
And then Daryl came in to see how I was doing again and talk to me some more. Just so I was doing better and trying to give me a little insight on things from a guy's point of view.
The rest of the day kind of sauntered by without any more crying or anything else like that.
Then we got home. He was already in bed by the time I went to the bathroom and came into the bedroom to take my bibs off. Then I got into bed and tried curling up. And then it began.
He asked me what was wrong. So I told him, and things went from bad to worse and got louder and louder. Honestly, I'd tell you everything that happened if I could remember it all at the moment, but you know how things are. I do not regret speaking my mind, as I do believe in what I am standing for, maybe the delivery could have been worked on a bit, but it's too late to take things back now. When I said something about why he something about everyone at work, that's when he threw up his fists and walked out. I sat there and was quiet for a few moments, and then I put my bibs back on and went for a drive.
And I ended up going up to the Lost Forty, which for those of you who don't live in our neck of the woods, is about an hour away- I just got home not too long ago. He's downstairs, and I'm up stairs, and no one is meeting in the middle. Although I should be the big one and go down there and try to at least talk to him. After I'm done eating though. At least we still have the house to ourselves.
Strange thing when I got hom ethough, there's a peice of paper on the counter from the Beltrami County Sheriff's Dept. There's a "civil paper" that I need to call them to come pick up or something of the sort. I can't imagine what this is all about now. I've never had any daelings with any sheriffs in town. Unless it's a-- no cause I'd think that that would come from teh city attorney's office about that ticket I fought about a year ago. I'm certain I don't know what this is about then. When it rains it pours I guess. Going on... Day FourWe are now entering Day Four of the Silent Treatment. He's not talking to me, and I'm not talking to him. I tried explaining what the problem was yesterday before work when I all of a sudden started crying while I was having my juic. To his credit he came into the room and asked me what the problem was. And I told him: that I'm thinking ten years down the road, how are we going to make it, that I'm going to have to be the one that steps up and changes something because thusfar, all I have heard from him is that he doesn't see the need to change anything, and doesn't want to make the initiative to change anything. Hell, I don't even know that he even really is serious about getting our own place, that would mean leaving his brother, and his brother is able and capable of taking care of himself, which enables Brett to remain a child to a certain degree.
And I am sorry- but the video games? Nah-uh, he had four days to play them to his heart's content while I was away working. I can see where it's a control issue, but with him I think that it's also an addiction. He can lose a whole day off in playing those stupid f****ing games. This time it's Call to Duty, that's what they're playing now.
And to prove a point, to see if anything sinks and and registers with him, I feel like going out and getting an additional job, in adition to my 45 hour work weeks already. We need the extra money, he isn't going to step up or change anything to better our situation, I don't see how we are ever going to get the money together for a down payment on a house, not with me being the only one saving any money here, so get another job. See if and when it dawns on him that I am seriously pissed off and serious about making a better life for our child. See if his brother knocks him upside the head since it's going to apparently have to come from The Family.
Speaking of which, tomorrow now after work I have to put up with his mother when she comes for dinner, and brings some of his sister's maternity clothes for me. While he gesture is nice, I'm still feeling a little suffocated... Am I supposed to fit into her pregnancy image? Hopefully non e of it fits and then I can continue on being the pregnant woman that I want to look like. Maybe it's a moot point, maybe it seems ungrateful, but I am honestly feeling squashed into the corner like I've got to fit into their family right away, no matter what problems there is between Brett and I.
And then there's the dog. Still. Maybe it's Spring Fever. But I would really like to kick the sh*t out of him right now to teach him a lesson and leave my cat alone once and for all. And as long as Chad is around, I can't offer a stern word to him, and Chad is trying to keep him away from me, which I sorta feel bad about, but I don't want Chad to feel like he's been grounded to the basement in his own home either.
So when is it going to dawn on Brett that now may be a good time to start thinking about finding our own place? Maybe it's time I started looking into finding my own place, amybe that's the key. Maybe try therapy like someone said, and when that doesn't work because he's too stubborn to see the light, looking into buying or renting our own little place. I don't know what else to do. Talking about it at work is futile since it's obviously biased there, and since my shoulder up until now also has a wife and three children that are "surviving" on the income there, if they can do it, then we should be able to do it. But what they don't realize is that they are rasing their children differently than how I was raised and want to raise my child. I came from two college educated parents, my dad makes more than my mother, and I would appreciate a life partner who did the same. Not that I want to slack off myself, but I want him to be motivated twoards giving our child the most and best opportunities possible, and that does not and is not going to happen where we work.
I was reading this weekend, and there was this part of the book that was written by a guy, about how there's stages of pregnancy for women, and how for men, there's one defining moment where it really hits home that it's for real. Whether it's putting together the crib, or putting sheets on the crib mattress, or doing the baby laundry. Something like that. That apparently hasn't happened with him yet. He gave up the idea about making a cradle for the baby since his sister offered to give us theirs, so he's off the hook there- doesn't have to expend any effort or time into trying how to make a cradle for his first born.
And so, my quiet time is drawing to a close, as I have to make my way to the bathroom to get ready for work, another silent day of work for me. I don't know whether he thought about things at all yesterday or spent the entire day being stubborn and digging in his heels for his lost cause. Oops, that just slipped in there.
... Never thought pregnancy would be like this... is there an anti depressant that I can take now? February 24 Complaints, Grievances and other NewsAlright folks- sorry it's been awhile since I last did an entry.
So, I had my first appointment on the eleventh, and that went pretty well. The nurse's aid wanted to know if I would mind if the doctor brough her medical student in during my exam- apparently she got the idea that I was not particularily fondof the idea and left her out in the hallway or something. But the visit was good. They took enough blood for a blood transfusion I would think, and ran the tests on that, I'm fine, my hemoglobin is on the high range, my thyroid is low but normal, and my white blood count is up, which I was informed meant that I was fighting off a cold or something, but otherwise I was perfectly healthy. And, she put the little Doppler thing up to my tummy and we were able to hear the heartbeat, that was pounding at 170 beats per minute. Healthy.
So everything with Baby is healthy. My iron is up, and there was something else that was on the high end which was good. Now I forget.
Now onto the complaints and greivances.
I feel fat. I don't look pregnant yet, just getting wider. I'm not a patient person and would at least like to have a little baby bump so I at least feel a little bit pregnant. My pants aren't fitting like they used to and trying to find another bra that actually fits is another uphill battle that I'm in the midst of fighting.
So another gripe is that I have started using my Nicorette gum- trying to quit for Baby. Let me tell you, I came thiiiiis close to buying a pack of cigarettes last night when I left the house to get away, get gas and get cat food. I was pissed. The dog barged into our room where the cat hides, it's her "safe place". The cat started darting around the room, the dog chasing her, she knocked over the mirror, the lamp and another lamp trying to flee the beast. I was pissed. The falling mirror broke the top outlet thing, right out of the wall, the finish is scratched on the mirror, somethign that I've had since childhood, and then Brett took the mirror and put it in the room that is slated to be the baby's room. Now as MY punishment, I have no mirror. F***ing dog. He's got spring fever or something.
Another gripe is that before we got engaged, he was getting on my bnerves with how much time he spent playing ideo games, and I thought that I had made myself clear that it was either me and the Baby or the video games. And he's been good, up until this last week. I had to be out of town for four days thsi week for work, setting up another store. I came back on Thursday. Friday I was exhausted after putting in the extra time at the other store, and coing back to our store to put in another day. I was tired. I went to bed, he tucked me in. I woke up awhile later and heard sounds downstairs. Knowing that Chad had also gone to bed early, I knew.... So I creeped downstairs to find him staring at the screen, playing video games. He looked at me, I shook my head, he asked me what? and I went back upstairs. That was about the last that I talked to him. Pissed. Violated, feels like he's been lieing all along, like he's happy to see me go to bed early because then he can sneak downstairs and get his fix. Lieing and cheating to me.
And instead of spending the weekend with me when we haven't been together for the four days, you'd think that he would want to spend time with me, but instead, he spent yesterday with Mat out on the lake, and is slated to spend again today on the lake with Matt at an ice fishing contest out in Bagley. Nice. Actually it saves me thetroubleof telling him that I don't want to be around him anyways. Which I thought I told him the other night, or maybe thought of telling him. I don't know, it was like a dream.
My other, and hopefully last gripe, is his family- with the excption of Chad, whom we also live with. Which leaves the women in his family- mother and sister. I'm almost starting to feel claustrophobic. I wish that they would stand back and give us som eroom to breathe. At least me. I just don't feel the need to talkto them a few times a week when nothing's changed to begin with. WE'll let them know, when something happens. But that's going tobe up to him to tell them. Not me. And he won't.
Not my last gripe. One more. Brett. I'm starting to wonder whether he's got what it takes to be a fmaily man. Man being the imperative word. He's voiced his objections before about not wanting to go back to school, about not wanting to change what he's doing, and so far I have yet to hear what he is willing to change when the baby arrives. So far it sounds like things are status quo. I am the one that's saving, I am the one that wants tp gp back to school, I am the one that is going to be saving money for a college fund. It sounds like I am going to be the bread winner in this family. He doesn't see that things aren't going to be peachy when we add a baby into the mix, he doesn't see how little money there is going to be, he doesn't see the need to get our own place away from family, he doesn't see the need to make sacrifices and put the welfare of his family ahead of his needs and wants. It scares me. Scares me to the point of wanting to get out now and doing this alone, since I'm starting to think that it's going to be mostly me anyways.
January 29 Spreading the NewsIs this size font better??? I know, I didn't change the font in my last blog entry. Sorry to all the older folks out there who couldn't read it.
Anyways-
Some minor details on the situation before I start my blog in earnest this morning.
Right now, I'm thinking that I'm about 9 - 10 weeks along, and the doctor's office wanted me in for my first visit in the 12 - 14 week window so my first visit is going to be on February 11th. I don't think that I'll make him come to that one since from what I hear they're going to do a full exam inside and out. I'll let him skip that one this time.
The other day as I was reading, Pregnancy for Dummies (how fitting, and I think I was the one that got this book for my sister when she was pregnant) there was a Body Mass Index in it so I could see what my BMI was- well, I went through all of hte calculations and came to find that I am underweight. I'm thinking that this eating thing is going to become a big chore for me. I already don't really like it. Boy, I can use this one on the kid in years to come: "You better clean your room, I got fat for you you know..."
So anyways, what happened at work yesterday... Char crossed a line with me. And she knew it, and she tried staying out of my way- but let me tell you, when I have to come looking for you? I'm going to find you and you're gonna get it.
So what happened is that someone started leaking the news, and they told CHar- one of the four persons at work I specifically did NOT want tp know because I knew from the beginning that it would just be something to repeat rather than celebrate. Well, she blabbed to two people that I had already entrusted with my nes who came to me, and also told me where she got the news from, so after much stewing about it, on my way by her, since she was trying to fade into the shelves and not be seen by me- after I went over to try to talk to her about it with some backup, she saw my mood and skeedaddled out of there in a hurry. Well, this time she wasn't going to escape. I did it right then and there on the sales floor, which was in poor taste but she was trapped, and the ladies that she'd told were on the other side of the wall trying to/not to listen to what she was getting.
It was brief, and I wasn't going to let her talk her way out of it, that's for sure. But I told her that I/we would appreciate it if she would let me tell our news rather than her spreading it around since it has come to my attention that she's been telling people. It's not her news to share. This is where she tried defending herself by saying that she only told this person and this person- that didn't fly with me, I asked her, are they not PEOPLE!? It's my news to tell and there was a reason why we haven't told everyone, and when we're ready, we'll spread the news, but let US do it.
That was the black spot on my day.
Otherwise, we let it out that we're engaged now, showed some of the people- Larry being the first, and Max and Melissa were up there, Max gave me a great big hug and said how happy he was for me- and he meant it.
Now it's just the other gossips at work- Marla and Donna that I'm concerned about, and JT- I don't care if they ever know, but I do know that Donna knows that we're engaged and she'll blab it to Marla, but hopefully we can keep our other news to ourselves fro a while longer. Somehow I think that maybe she will since she got her ass chewed out yesterday, and about three other women at work heard it, and a customer or two as well. Boy did she give me the look for the rest of the night. Her face was twisted and contorted out of shape. But I'm not sorry- it's not her place to spread our news, there is ever and only ever one time you're pregnant for the first time, and it's your news to spread, not someone elses. I can hold my head up high- I was not in the wrong- she was. January 27 Telling the FamilySo yesterday, we went home- to my parent's home to tell my parents the news(es)? Just teasing. My mother emailed Friday to inform me that my grandpa would also be there. Up until then hadn't met any of this side of my family so this would be a meet and greet for him as well.
We got to town and drove past my sister's house on the way to my parent's to find that my grandpa was at her house at the moment. So we got to my parent's and found my mother home alone for a few minutes. So we came in, got to see Bailey, my Sheltie that just had surgery a few weeks ago, and talk with my mother a bit- to tell her that I was glad we got to tell her alone first without everyone there... Dad was with Grandpa over at Erica's for a few minutes.
So I told her that what she expected had come to be- you could see a slight confused look on her face until I showed her the ring, and then mentioned that that was only half of the news, since she'd be a gramma again at the end of August. She was thrilled! The surprise on her face, the elation, she was genuinely happy. So she wanted to know how far along I was, could I feel anything yet, was I getting sick? When can I find out what it's going to be, am I going to find out what it's going to be? Questions, questions, questions and more questions- and warnings and advice.
Not long after, Dad and Grandpa came home and we got up to meet them at the door. Right away we let them know. This was the boyfriend that never was, everyone started to wonder about me, whether there ever would be a guy in my life, and now Grandpa finally got to meet him. SO I told him, he's not a boyfriend anymore, now he's a fiance, so my dad and granpa shook his hand and congratulated Brett. We all sat down at the table and talked for a few more minutes and then I told Grandpa that that was only half of the news, there's more, I'm pregnant too. Both Dad and Granpa took a second for it to register, and were happy, my dad put out his cigarette and disposed of the ash tray since he was sittin gnext to me at the table. So there were questions, stories, and I told my parents that this was going tobe the Great Equalizer- I/we were going to get our comeuppance for everything that we ever did. Being as stubborn as we both are, we were in for it. They laughed, but said that we would do just fine.
So my dad left the table to call my sister and let her know that we were there and to come over.
My mother informed me that I needed to go through the drawers in my room and clean them out because I was holding up the move into my room for her quiltin room. So I went back to my room and started going through the drawers, and she came back and we talked about things a bit, talked about how I was feeling, how he proposed, how earlier in the week we had a fight and I more or less put it all on the line to either get on board with me now or never, make a choice between me and his child or his game controller- the choice was his. And now a few days later there's a ring on my finger.
We went back out to visit and my sister and nephew came over- which was surprising that it didn't take her half an hour to get over there.
So I was trying to find a garbage bag for my stuff, and my mother asked if I had told her my news. Erica mentioned that she saw something sparkley on my finger, but my mother said that there was somethign more. SO she followed me back to my room and I showed her the ring, and then told her that there was more. She asked "What?" So I flattened out my shirt against my tummy and showed her. Her eyes were as big as dinner plates and her mouth dropped open. Which prompted a bunch more questions, and then my mother came in too to hear what we were talking about and start sharing stories. It was liek I was no longer the baby of the family, but the newest member of the Mother's Club.
The visit was good, questions, advice, how was I feeling, did I feel anything yet? Was I getting sick, how am I with smoking, eating enough, eating for two, healthy, treat my body like a temple- and books- my sister ran back to her house to get her baby books, name books and parenting books for the first few years.
The engagement was minor, although my mom did ask whether we would elope or what our plans were, whether we'd picked outa date yet or not. No, all we know is that it is going tobe some time after Baby arives when I've got (most) of my figure back, and we have money for it. But there will be no Las Vegas. But I think everyone was also relieved that there was an engagement that went along with it.
As far as how I am doing- I'm dong pretty good. I'm having a few headahces here and there, and I don't dare take anything for them, and tye inevitably end up as migraines which are bitches when I can take something, and not being able to take anything just plain sucks. But, I'm not throwing up (yet?) although before I knew, before Christmas, I was feeling queasy the week before Christmas, but it would go away after lunchtime every day. I haven't felt anything move yet, but then again, maybe I just didn't know what it was that I was feeling. So in the mean time, I'm trying to eat right and eat enough for me and Baby, and the smoking is making me sicker each time- which is a good thing and I'm down to about two a day- so that's good.
Both my mom and my sister told me to enjoy being pregnant, don't worry about things, just enjoy it. Yes, I can see that. And I also was talking and telling them that why worry, we can't change what is, just go with things and take care of things as they come up. And I also told them that I told Brett that when we can claim the baby as a dependant, that that money was going into a savings account for college. He siad that his parents didn't do that for him. SO that's when I todl him that this is his chance to change things, about wanting more for his child than what he had growing up, about using what he remembers and agrees with and changing what he didn't agree with about how his parnets raised him. This is our chance, and then I told him that I am not bending on the collee fund. My child will go to college. My mother laughed at that but I'm sure she agrees and was glad to hear it.
So that story is going to have to suffice for now. Besides, it's time for a nap. January 25 He Has Something For MeSo we made it through another week at work... For a couple of days, I didn't think we would.
So let me step back a couple of days and start from the beginning...
We live in Northern Minnesota, it gets cold here, colder than it does in Siberia some days (no kidding) My car didn't start Friday Saturday or Sunday, so we let the people know at work on Sunday that we wouldn't be at work on Monday if we couldn't get the car working, since the starter in his truck also went South on us. (When i rains it pours)
He fixed the car Sunday night but it geniunely didn't start Monday in time to get to work. Instead I wanted to go to Wal MArt to get groceries since I was hungry and there wasn't much to choose from in the cupboards. He couldn't decide, but figured he'd take a shower. By the time he got out of hte shower I was curled up in bed and told him that I wanted to take a nap first (like having a bun in the over isn't work enough?) He looked at me liek I had to be kidding or something and skulked out of the room and went and laid on the sofa. By the time I was done with my nap, he was sleeping. So I dind't wake him up- I went to get groceries on my own. Oh, and I mentioned to him when he got out of the shower that I was concerned about how much time he spends sleeping and playing video games. He fired back that my time on the computer and my needlepoint wsa the same as his playing video games. I couldn't believe that he could even make a connetion like that when just the other day he was talking about being able to appreciate stuff as being hand made-- and I couldn't reply to that without it getting nasty so I didn't even bother.
So Wednesday (tuesday was another silent day in which he spent the day in the basement infront of the tv playing video games) I was all upset and we didn't even talk to each other until the way home from work when he asked me how my day went and I told him shitty- because by that time I was fuming, afriad of what could happen in the future and furious at the possibility that I could be a single parent because my baby's father was more interested in playing video games than interacting with us- so when he asked, I was more than ready to spout off about it- and I did. And I think I told him that if he wants to be a father, then he better start taking part now or I will do this myself. Basically, that was the ultimatum, take part now or else I/we would be leaving. make a choice, your child or your game controller.
I think it scared some sense into him. He's been a lot better since then. I also brought up the fact that the gaming is NOT the same as my being on the computer or doing my needlework- when it's all said and done, I have somethign to show for my months od doing needlepoint, and the one that I plan on starting when this one is done is for the baby- my gift to him or her. So I told him, think of something, something outside of the garage, his gift to his child. I think that made him think.
I went for a ride to settle down and when I came back he was ont he computer looking for plans on how to make a cradle for the baby. So, I can encourage that. Good. Something other than excercising his thumbs.
Now today, Friday, it was a good day at work and when we go home and crawled into bed for a nap- he was holding my hand and asked me if I loved him and how much I loved him- "enough" I said. He said that he wished I woudl have siad something different because he had something for me. It was then that I felt a ring being slipped onto my finger. So we laughed and giggled and kissed a bit and I finally made him ask me the right way- and so yeah- I will.
And after that, I started getting a craving for tacos so we went to the mexican restaraunt.
Tomorrow, we're heading home to tell my parents the news, and was just informed by email that my grandpa will also be there too. January 10 Breaking NewsWell, I did it. I didn't tell everybody but I did tell Larry and I did finally tell Daryl towards the end of the day. And I brought fudge with me when I went.
As for the smoking, I'm still smoking but smoking much less. I found that with him forcing me, and the stress at work, and the pressure I've been putting on myself is too much to try to go cold turkey. And as I've been talking about with Max at work, may be worse than smoking anyways. And stress just isn't good right now...
Now don't get me wrong, I do want to quit, but I'd like support from him rather than criticism, and understanding that not everyone can just walk away from smoking in one day like he can, when just days before he admitted that there must be something wrong with him upstairs fro him tobe able to do that. I can see your pointBegrudginly, I can understand why we shouldn't say anything until after we're through the first trimester. Maybe I'll talk to him about it on the way to work this morning- tell Daryl because he's the boss, and Larry because he's the one tha got us together in the first place, and last night I confessed that I had already told Max and Melissa at work, so maybe them knowing and guiding us through the first trimester will be just fine.
He called his sister last night after we were done eating and roke the news to her. She was really excitied and talked to me for awhile about it all and gave me some pointers and warnings, like don't take ibuprohen (which is a good warning since I'll sometimes take five at a time when I have a really bad headache) otherwise I could miscarry. So she is definintely thrilled for us and has promised no to tell their mother or Ayleah- since I told her about what happened when they were up here at Christmas and Ayleah jumped on me and asked me if I had a baby in my tummy. She thought that was funny but pretty creepy too.
So while we were at work yesterday, the call came from the clinic, right before lunch. It was the lab at the clinic, we were right, I"m pregnant, congratulations. So they called in a prescription for my prenatal vitamins and set up my first appointment with a new doctor, since the one that I originally scheduled with did not come highly reccommended by either Max or Melissa, so we took their advice and went with their doctor.
Brett's sister doesn't seem to think that I"ll start showing really until about six months because I'm so tall and slender. And then I've heard the opposite side of the spectrum, that I'll be showing right away since there's not a lot of extra weight to hide it in. I don't know, I'm the novice here, it could go either way. Although I would tend to think that I'm going to look like a pole with a watermellon duct taped to it. Who knows. January 09 Doctor's VisitsYesterday was a day of office visits for me. First, Brett and I went to the clinic so I could officially pee in a cup for the lab and have the pregnancy confirmed by someone with a degree on the wall, and get the first prenatal visi underway. Then in the afternoon it was off to the dentist's office for me for a routine cleaning and check up.
Now, I'm not naive in thinking that waiting rooms here are any different than those in Anytown, USA- they're always too small, and the person sitting across from you is going to end up listening in on your conversation whether you like it or not. I don't like it. I'll just tell you that right now. It didn't bother me when I saw he kind of smile at me when I looked at the number of buttons on my cuffs - 5- the most I'd ever had, and was thinking that if they wanted to draw blood, that's a lot of little buttons to undo. But when I caught her listening in on our conversation about laundry and me telling him to leave the towels alone so I could fold them, that's when it started dawning on me that anything that we'd been saying had been listened to by her.
And when they called my name, all I had to do was pee in a cup and give the thing a half turn and I was done there. Call back for the results after one that afternoon.
Minor detail here, on his cell phone, one must first dial the area code before the number... Didn't find that out until almost four that afternoon when his brother and friend were also home for lunch and a missed call popped up on his phone.
Oh, I'm skipping the dentist office-- there was two people in the waiting room at the dentist's office, me, and another Erin. Go figure.
The visit went fine, nothing wrong there, but when I was out making appointments, that's when I was ready to lean over the counter and wrong her nack. Bitch. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't always have large sums of money haning around in my sock drawer. It just doesn't happen with me. I could've decked her. Basically, she wants cash for the crown that they're going to put in.
So after the visit there, I went to the bookstore in the mall, there's a couple of books that I was looking for and was able to find one of them, but was informed that someone wanted to get it for me, so I held back. By that time, I was too pissed, wanted a cigarette direly bad and just wanted to get home because they lady's voice at the bookstore was going to send me over the edge at any moment.
So when I got home, his brother and friend were also home for lunch, Brett looked up at me and shook his head no when I came into the room. So I went into our room and tried calling again, this time leaving a callback number and a message. Not too long after that his phone beeped a missed call, which was a voice mail telling him to dial the area code first.
By this time, they'd gone back to work, and I went off the edge about all of it, wanting a cigarette and why should we have to dial the area code when we're calling across town? Stupid stupid stupid. I outghta call up the cell phone comany and give them a peice of my mind.
Well, I did finally call the clinic and actually talk to a live person, asked for the doctor's nurse for the results, but she was busy with a patient, so, I got to leave another message, which wasn't returned yesterday....
Then we waiting until his brother got home to tell him the news, since Brett was most anxious about telling his brother. When he got home, we sat there quietly, making faces at each other and not saying a word. Finally I asked him if he likes being an uncle? Looked at me kind of weird, nodded and shrugged. Would you liek to be an uncle again? Then a smile when it dawned on him why I was asking him such an odd question, and then he asked how far along I was. Figureabout six weeks, we're trying to get it confirmed through the doctor at the moment. So then he said that oh, it's not even time to tell anybody yet then.
And now Brett's mind has changed again, doesn't want to tell anyone at owrk yet still, even though his brother already knows. So I could burst at any moment, but he still doesn't want to say anything. Meanwhile, if they keep me on the schedule moving fifty pound bags of dogfood and other such heavy lifting and moving, I could loose it, but he just doesn't want to tell anyone until we're engaged. Grr. He's got a support system here, I don't, the few people at work I want to know are my support system because I trust them and they are parents. So how to negotiate this one when we work together??
January 07 eptI think about all of us know what ept means, or is. Yeah. At some point in our lives there has been a pregnancy scare in someone's life around us- good or bad. Well, this time it's me.
I've started noticing litle changes in my body that seemed odd- like my boobs were getting bigger for no apparent reason. My bras aren't fitting like they used to. And I was about a week late. So I quietly sought the advice of a parent at work- a guy that I can talk to and trust. He's got three girls and has been through this a few times before. So, we walked and talked. I told him about my "symptoms" and also mentioned that it wouldn't be completely uncommon if I went for a month or two without a period at all, so being late isn't a conclusive symptom. His advice is that the boobs and being late, was worth looking into.
So that's what I did. While Brett was sleeping, I went over to Wal*Mart and got Isabelle her kitty food and dropped atest in my little handbasket and high tailed it to the self checkout lane and was on my way.
I got home and met Brett in the hallway with the test in my hand but he didn't even notice or see what it was that I was holding. Not up yet. We sat together and watched tv all night and went to bed. We started talking a little when there was a Victoria's Secret commercial on and he mentioned that I should get some new bras from there, as I have mentioned to him that the girls were getting bigger. I didn't say anything else.
Saturday morning, I tool the test. The directions said something about waiting three minutes for a result. I didn't have to wait that long, more like a minute or two and I got a result. The "NOT" was missing from the display. All it said was "PREGNANT". I was- am speechless. My mind is still having a little trouble grasping the idea. Alyeah was right at Christmas when she asked me if I had a little baby in my tummy. Pregnant? Oh my God now what? How am I going to tell Brett?
I didn't wait long, that's for sure. I know that my cousel at work wanted me to keep him posted, but there was someone who had to know before he knew, and that was Brett. And I couldn't wait and sit on it although in retrospect, my timing sucked. We were up and preparing to leave for work and he asked me if the jeans I was wearing were my new jeans, and if the shirt was also new. So I did a superstar pose for him to show them off. Then I asked him if he was up or not. And told him to come with me. To the bathroom we went, I pulled the test out and was going to tell him but he got it out first: You're pregnant? So we went back to the kitchen and were getting ready, rationalizing that I probably was, since the girls have been growing, and I haven't got my periodd, so the facts are there, I probably am.
He spent the day in a daze- a shakey, quiet daze. Understandable.
I talked to Max, my counsel at work and told him. Although he already guessed it that I was. And I also quietly told Cornrelish (yes, cornrelish) when he was wondering why Brett was so quiet. So I told him that I'd taken a test, he started goign on about how us girls are always taking those tests and messing things up in our relationships Obviously we're not talking about the same kinds of tests. So he asked what kind of test? Ept. It dawned on him then, he slowly stopped washing his hands as it occurred tohim what kind of test I was talking about. And then he looked up at me with his mouth hanging open. He congratulated me with a question mark at the end. So I told him that that is why Brett has been quiet all day and we don't know what he's thinking.
After work when we got home, he went straight to our room to go to bed. I followed him in there and closed the door, I asked him if he didn't want me around him right now or not. He didn't care, it doesn't matter. Okay. So I qietly left, turned off the light and curled up under my blanketon the sofa. Then the dog curled up on me. Not the companionship that I was looking for. So I got up and went into our room and curled up in bed, away from him to give him room. I could hear sniffling- he was crying, scared crying. It didn't take long before one of his arms came out and pulled me towards him, and he cried some more. We talked but mostly I let him cry it out. He's not ready for this, he's scared, what about money, responsibilities, what about this house??? Yeah, there's lots of questions that we HAVE to find answers to soon, definintely. But first we've got to come together, stand up and take responsibility and rise to meet this challenge. We both did it, we're in this together and so get on with it.
So we laid there thinking and talking about things for awhile and then the craving started: I wanted ice cream. So we got dressed and went to Arby's for dinner. By that time he was starting to warm up to the idea a bit more. He informed me that I was going to have to quit smoking (without a doubt) and that I was going to have to finish my supper since now I was eating for two.
So yesterday, Sunday, he was a lot better than he was on Saturday. He was still a little off from normal, but he was more present.
Afterwork we laid down again and were talking about things. By this time he had more thoughts in order and was able to open up more about things. Is he going to be a good father, he would feel better if we were married and this happened, what about finances... lots of variables to consider. So, gave him the best pepe talk that I could. Personally I don't think that anyone is ever fully prepared for parenthood the first time, there's no way novices can think and prepare for all of the situations that could happen along the time. Secondly, we're in this together- there's going to be times when I'm going to have to step back and let him take over, and there's going to be times when he's going to have to step back and let me take over. It's just the way it is. Then there's the first time he holds the baby (for that reason I kind of hope this one's a girl so he can have a daddy's little girl) And then there's the first time he/she calls him Daddy, that's probably going to melt his heart. Look forward to those moments instead of worrying about everything right now. Besides, I think that all of this worrying he's doing is going to make him want to be a better father anyways.
So, that's about it for now- there's bound to be more happening shortly. And as I remember more I'll write more.
December 27 Burning TimeWe're getting down tot he end of the year now, and at work that means burning up any remaining personal time we have left. For me, that meant 7.5 hours of time today. So, I left. I woke up in a crabby mood to begin with, and when I got to work, it was topped off by a mountain of transfers, an RF gun that kept freezing up on me and a phone call that I had to field for a customer. And I wasn't really talking to Brett this morning because of what was going through my head still from this weekend So it was just easier and more relaxing to leave now while I still could.
So home I am. What to do with my time today... maybe start it off with a nap. I'd like to go down to Itasca to see if I can get some nice winter shots, but since I'm on call to see if Brett wants to bail out of work a few hours early himself. So I could go, but I'd have to make sure that I was within retreival range when and if he calls.
So how did my Christmas go? Pretty good all things considered. Busy but good. I would have to say that THEE MOST rememberable part of the entire weekend was that I got to see my cousin Mike who I haven't seen in years since he got meningitis a few years ago. That was the best part, that was my best gift hands down. He's still there, functioning, talking despite the fact that when they intubated him they peirced one of his vocal chords, but he's still there.
Brett got me my KitchenAid mixer, and a pair of sapphire earrings, and his sister loaded me up with Aveda products, a few sweatshirts and a down vest, and his mother got me a digital picture frame which I am using as an excuse to upgrade cameras since the card isn't mojo'ing with my camera's card. And my mother got us a red crockpot- which is nice condsidering red is his favorite color.
His sister and her husband and two kids stayed with us a couple of nights- which got to be a little trying since his neice is four and has the energy of a four year old. I was never far from her sight, and always within reach. She even came into our room one night when we were in bed, trying to sleep, pulled and climbed her way up onto our bed and started jumping on both of us. Then I was tired, so I was trying to lay down, but that didn't happen. I managed to lay down for a total of MAAAAAYbe five minute before she came barging in and jumping on me, pulling my comforter off of me. Then there was when she was climbing on me and managed to head butt me and hit me in the teeth with her head, jumping on my throat, landing her knee on me throat and chest and pubic bone. Let me tell you, she's got boney knees!
But all in all, it went very well. His sister was relived to have me there helping her in the kitchen, so she didn't have to do anything.
But. I think I'm going to go lay down and plan my remaining time accordingly. November 20 Moving InWell, I've been moved in with Brett now for about two weeks and I think the honeymoon period was over this weekend, and the adjustment period begins. Isabelle and his brother Chad's dog Sig aren't hitting it off- she's spent about 90% of the time ontop of the cupboards away from the dog but I drag her down at nigth so she can sleep with us. She mostly sleeps on Brett's side of the bed or on his pillow- which is all I need- the cat prefers those styrofoam things he calls pillows too to my true feather pillows.
The other issue that we were having, maybe still are, is the amount of time spent in front of the television playing video games. Not something that I choose to do to pass the time, but something that they don- in bulk. I view it as a waste of time, nearing an addiction. Which would he prefer: a relationship with a game controller or a girl? Nay, woman.
The good thing is that they are starting to put dishes in the dishwasher as opposed to leaving them out on the counter or in the sink. It only took about a week and a half for them to pick up on that one. And honestly he's been pretty good about doing laundry- had the wash going the other night when I came home from work. Maybe it's because I was standing infront of the closet that morning crying and he woke up and saw it. I dunno- regardless, it got done.
So, hopefully things smooth out on their own and resume a sense of normality (if it's not already a word, it is now)
So, hopefully everyone has t heir T day plans in order and will have a good thanksgiving! Know what you're thankful for! November 13 Still Here- Intermitenly...Hey everyone- just a quick note to let everyoen know that I am still around- I've just been offline since the bill has become too expensive, and also relocated my little family to living with Brett since the management company found out about my little Isabelle. So, we just got done moving all of my things and are trying to settle into life again.
I'll haev to update everyone later when he doesn't have to sit and hold my internet card in place since we broke the flanges on it.
Hope eveyrone else is doing well out there!
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